Special feelings for Dali
on October 19, 2020
I have a special feeling for Dali.
Whenever I think carefully about the reasons for this emotion, as I think about it, my thoughts are like a kite with its string broken, flying far away without leaving a trace. So much so that I was surprised: What was I thinking about just now? So I put away the string of the kite, feeling resentful.
When I was in school, I had always longed for traveling alone. There were many destinations that fascinated me. I wanted to go to every place during my student days, but in the end I gave up. As for the reason, it's quite destructive to say it - because there is no money. After working, I had a little savings, and when I wanted to realize my original wish, I found that the fascination had almost disappeared, and the expectation for traveling was not that strong anymore. It seems difficult for people to do the right thing at the right time. Time is always so harsh.
At the end of last year, I got excited and quit my job with a good salary and a leisurely life. After more than half a year of taking the postgraduate entrance examination and giving up, failing to start a business, and being in the shadow of the epidemic but filled with blanks, I went to Qujing, Yunnan at the end of May. I went to find friends to look for opportunities to start a new business, but in the end this was not successful. I decided to go to Dali, which is also in Yunnan Province, before going home. I left as soon as I decided to leave. I arrived at the ancient city of Dali the same night I decided to leave.
At first, I had little expectations for Dali. I thought it was a city that had been over-hyped and distorted by the four famous internet celebrity attractions: wind, flower, snow and moon. I thought it had lost its original characteristics. But that night I discovered that, It is my fault. The ancient city is full of chatty and simple people, unique snacks that are not overpriced, and a natural and aloof temperament. That day, whether it was the barbecue restaurant owner who insisted on buying me a drink without any explanation, or the bed and breakfast sister who was so enthusiastic that she was even a bit verbose, they all made me breathe a long sigh of relief: the simplicity of this city is still there.
During those days, I rented a car and drove around Erhai Lake twice. The roadside was lined with long-lost crop fields and busy farmers, and most of the road was filled with hurried travelers. This kind of collision makes people think: the so-called distance in our hearts is also the cage that traps people far away. Passing by Xizhou and Shuanglang Ancient Town, the streets are full of Bai-style buildings and food, which is really lively. But compared to the town, it was the farmland and farmers on the street that attracted me to stop. There were signs of life there, there was pain, there was hope, there were things that were commensurate with my past life but at a distance, so I resonated, but Also novel.
On the night before leaving Dali, one person ate a table of food and drank a pot of rose wine, reaching the best state that drinkers call a tipsy state. So I took advantage of my drunken enthusiasm, took my camera and tripod, and walked more than four kilometers through a large wild road from the ancient city, just to see the Erhai Lake at night. The road was very narrow, with large fields of crops on both sides. There were some lights on the first section of the road, but then it was completely dark. There were no street lights, and the only thing visible was the bright moon in the sky. A person is walking on a small road that seems to belong only to him, silently reciting the beautiful words "raising a glass to the bright moon" in his heart, feeling extremely romantic. That kind of romance is a little lonely, but it is precisely because of this loneliness that makes this person feel extremely romantic. Romance gives birth to a little pride. Walking in the chivalry surrounding me, walking on the deserted road, listening to the occasional rustling sound from the farmland, I feel romantic and lonely, extremely lonely. As I walked, perhaps the alcohol had been exhausted, and my unformed rationality told me that there might be wolves in this boundless darkness, and the one or two people who occasionally passed by might be robbing me. So, halfway through the journey with no way out, I finished the journey with romance, loneliness and a little fear. After thinking about it like this, I realized that not everything in the trip was beautiful. For example, there were some things that were a bit embarrassing to mention. The sense of fear is just a memory that is good at evasive words, filtering out everything, leaving only the beautiful and romantic ones.
In short, I finally saw the Erhai Lake at night that I thought about day and night. That night, I was the only one on the Erhai Lake. After setting up a tripod and taking photos for a while, a couple in their forties or fifties arrived. It was obvious from their behavior that they were not a couple. Seeing me here, they must be unhappy, but I actually feel a kind of happiness that I don't know why. It's like their arrival rationalized my clumsy behavior of walking over in the dark. There is a subtle tacit understanding between me and them. Building a relationship between them may have also alleviated my loneliness and the fear that had just faded away. Seeing that I was holding a tripod, they asked me to help take pictures. It was very windy that night, so all the pictures they took were blurred. After many adjustments, they still failed, but they still thanked me. Both of them must have drunk too much. The man held my hand and said cynical and unguarded words. The woman also chatted with me openly and without any clue or logic. The general idea was to praise me for my good deeds. Thanking me or something, the woman kept looking at the man while speaking, her eyes full of love. I love it when strangers confide in me. I have no time to think about why women want photos so much, but men won’t let me send them photos; what the man’s wife is doing at home at the moment, and what excuses the man uses to hide it; the women at home and the people on the Erhai Lake How sad is a woman's love for this man... That night, I lost all sense of right and wrong. Just think of it as a picture drawn from a complicated life. It is quite beautiful. Moreover, true beauty is inherently mixed with sadness. That’s all. Maybe this is the meaning of travel. All kinds of people and all kinds of lives are displayed in front of me, good, bad, rich, and poor. There is no need to evaluate and no time to evaluate everything. Only when your heart is filled with mountains and seas can you truly know the mountains and seas. It’s just that if you can hold all kinds of beauty and all kinds of ugliness in your heart, you will know how to live more beautifully.
Having said that, I successfully got a ride back to the ancient city that night, and everything went smoothly. But at this time, I was in front of the computer, and the kite string of my thoughts was broken again - the reason for my special emotion towards Dali was lost again. That emotion may have come from the loneliness and fear of walking at night that night, and the chance encounter with the couple. It was romantic because of loneliness, psychological attachment because of fear, and the journey was full of mixed feelings because of the couple, I think.