Nanchang/Birthday/Fragments

Meeting in Nanchang is a risky thing.

At that time, he was preparing for the autumn recruitment and was very busy. He didn't know if everything could be concluded before the meeting. I can probably imagine the pressure he was under, written test after written test and interview after interview. Before the current self-doubt was resolved, the anxiety of the next interview followed one after another, a vicious circle. However, every time he mentioned it, I said it was fine. No, if it were me, I would have been mentally depressed for countless times during such a difficult time, even for bystanders, let alone the person involved. However, I can't do anything, worry or comfort, it all seems powerless. If there is a helpless moment in a foreign place, this is it.

The chat was once reduced to "morning", "go to eat", "burp", "good night", "come on". In the den, I told him the interesting things that happened today, made my "daily plan" step by step, and read the poem I read today. , but after much hesitation, I finally didn’t send it to him. I also wrote my worries and comforts into a long letter. At the end, I crumpled the letter paper into a ball and rewrote it several times before sending it out. His daily wish is that he can be a little more happy, and he also wants to end these days as soon as possible.

Weekly phone calls are put on hold during busy days. On the night of the 21st, he felt a little depressed. After thinking about it, he asked him if he wanted to call. He said yes.

It was a bit cold that night, and I got goosebumps as soon as I stepped out. When he was telling him that the worst-case scenario was just waiting for spring recruitment, the voice on the other end of the phone was slightly trembling. The wind seemed to blow into my head, and I felt a little dizzy. I couldn't hear clearly for a while, so I asked again. His voice came from the mobile phone:

"I got an offer from that company in Beijing."

I couldn't tell for a moment whether the news was coming from Wenzhou or Chengdu. Standing in the corridor, what I was thinking was that the little boy could feel less anxious.

Finally, peace comes.

Things went so smoothly after that that it was unreal. The company in Hangzhou gave me a notice the next afternoon. I giggled for a long time and even wanted to spin around when I came out of the classroom.

I always felt that the end of a different place, or the arrival of a not so far away place, was a very, very far away thing. It was as far away as the flickering lights in the distance, but I didn't want it to come so quickly. The two thousand kilometers from east to west between Wenzhou and Chengdu have been shortened to a short line segment on the map, which can be covered with one finger. And those nights when I listened to the train's wheels rumbling across the tracks left me without warning, lost in the torrent of time, and heading towards unknown distances.

Two days before the meeting, I randomly browsed his Weibo and found this calendar.

Ordered immediately and luckily got it before departure. Handmade Caiji went to buy the wrapping paper. Although it looked a bit ugly, fortunately it was not disgraceful. At first glance, it looked like the same thing. I packed my things in a hurry, put it in my bag and set off on the road to Nanchang.

I was a little nervous when he was unwrapping the wrapping paper. Listening to the sound of tearing the wrapping paper, I became a little chatty: "Although the wrapping is a bit ugly, but! It's your first time to wrap something seriously, so you have to be considerate..." but I was secretly looking forward to his arrival. expression.

The wrapping paper was removed, and it didn't seem like a surprise or happiness. The expression became a little complicated after a moment of sluggishness. My heart skipped a beat, and then I thought of something: "You haven't already bought it, right?!"

"No, just wait a minute." He said, putting down the calendar, quickly unzipping his schoolbag and groping for a while, and pulled out a book of about the same size and thickness: "I bought you one too."

Looking at two identical calendars, I don’t know whether to cry or laugh.

After ordering the cake, when it was delivered and opened, he said, "Why are you twenty-one? One year older is twenty." Only then did he realize that even if he was false, he should still be twenty-two. I really didn't have any awareness of my birthday. I scratched my head and looked at the "2" and "1" on the table, and said with a smile: "Forget it, I can't insert a '2'."

Maybe it’s because I don’t know since when, birthdays have lost the solemn and grand meaning of my childhood and have become no different from the remaining 364 days. You don’t have to wait until your birthday to eat cake, and growing up doesn’t just happen on that day.

Rather, it is a review and review.

It seems that I haven’t done much this year. I am a slow person and always realize things late. It takes me a long time to understand the meaning of some things. To this day, I feel like I am still the confused and sensitive junior high school student I was a few years ago. But I vaguely knew something was different, such as weight gain and hair loss. Gradually, I realized that running away meant more than just escaping. Rhodes Island could not be used as an excuse. Only running away could provide contrast and discover what was beneath the "natural" surface. This year was like a blind man touching an elephant, using his fingers to slowly explore the undulating edges in the dark, and the outline of the world emerged little by little in the dull ache. If the world has opened up in front of me in an infinitely vast manner in the past year, then right now, I am redefining the boundaries.

At two thirty-nine in the morning in Nanchang, darkness swallowed everything, the world lost its original shape, and even the sound was completely lost. It seemed like he talked a lot, but he didn't seem to say anything at all. I told him that I felt very bored, and reading books was boring sometimes. Aesthetic pleasure was just an excuse to escape. When I returned to reality, I just felt empty and nihilistic. It's a futile moan, a problem with no solution, so much so that I dare not think about it in detail. He was silent for a while and said:

"Would you be happier if you were with me?"

"meeting".

I came back and celebrated another birthday with my roommates. This is the third birthday I have celebrated with them. If there is another birthday, we may not celebrate it together again. I have always felt that I am a lucky person and I have met all lovely and beautiful girls. After turning off the lights, the candle swayed in the darkness. When I closed my eyes, I added another wish: I hope my girls will be happy and healthy every day.